THE DAILY YOKE

Order yourself a latte, and a pastry (The virtual cinnamon buns are excellent today). And have a nice chat.

Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Grasshopper » April 9th, 2017, 6:48 pm

Gruney wrote:It's a bxxger getting old.

Last week, I went to a lap dancing club.

The dancer came over to me, and whispered in my ear - "I can offer you super sex".

I said - "Oh lovely - I'll go for the soup, please."


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Grasshopper
Spring ventures forth to plant the grain
And Summer dries the straw
Autumn gathers in the harvest
And Winter shuts the door

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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby dennispc » April 16th, 2017, 11:30 am

The Easter Bunny went into a cafe, ordered a cheese toastie, a ham toastie and a tuna toastie.

Ate the lot and dropped dead.

In heaven she was asked what killed her, she replied

“mixin'ma toasties.”
Every day is a good day, it's just that some days are better than others.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby dennispc » April 16th, 2017, 11:40 am

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

Surprise, surprise it was an Apple,

but with extremely limited memory.

Just one byte.

Then everything crashed.
Every day is a good day, it's just that some days are better than others.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Zosherooney » April 16th, 2017, 12:54 pm

Dennis ! :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby dennispc » April 19th, 2017, 8:15 am

Zosherooney wrote:Dennis ! :lol: :lol: :lol:


Why thank you Zosherooney, the first one came from OH's FB page - family only - and someone replied

'That's a rare bit of humour'

Someone else added, 'No no no, the Easter Bunny can't die on Easter Day.'
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Zosherooney » April 19th, 2017, 10:03 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: I missed the first one........Hilarious......... :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby dennispc » May 12th, 2017, 6:25 pm

Brace yourselves.

What do you call a hen looking at a lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Zosherooney » May 12th, 2017, 7:50 pm

Oh heck Dennis.....
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby cooksalot » May 13th, 2017, 11:22 am

dennispc wrote:Brace yourselves.

What do you call a hen looking at a lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

That one is a classic!
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby dennispc » May 13th, 2017, 1:18 pm

Thank you - yesterday in small street by Exeter's Cathedral School was a small cafe - chalk board hang in the door way with it's joke of the day. That was it. Can't believe they have jokes like that every day! :lol:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Grasshopper » May 14th, 2017, 7:36 pm

What do you call a tree with a sore throat?

A hoarse chestnut!

:lol:
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Spring ventures forth to plant the grain
And Summer dries the straw
Autumn gathers in the harvest
And Winter shuts the door

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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Gruney » May 18th, 2017, 9:31 am

One from Milton Jones, who I think is excellent.

"I'm not very good at French - in fact I can't even count up to ten.

Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept -- and then I start to feel really ill.

I've got a huite intolerance."
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby hickybank » May 18th, 2017, 12:17 pm

THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST


I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.
so we decided to get married.


There was only one little thing bothering me.

It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini
skirts, and generally was Bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me.
I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate.
she never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over.
'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.

She was alone when I arrived.
she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me.
she couldn't overcome them anymore.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married.

She said "Before you commit your life to my sister".
Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said.
"if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment.
Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me.
He said, 'Sergio, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family my son.'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.
Common sense is not so common
A brain is as strong as it's weakest think
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby dennispc » May 18th, 2017, 4:57 pm

Two gems, thanks to both of you. :D
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Gruney » June 3rd, 2017, 8:11 am

Chap goes to see the doctor.

"I've got a problem - I swallowed my glass eye last week, and I still haven't passed it".

" Go over to there and get undressed, and I'll have a look".

Doctor examines and probes.

" I can't see anything".

"Well that's funny - I can see you".
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby aero280 » June 27th, 2017, 10:38 pm

A couple from the paper this morning...

"We've gone from a hung parliament to a bung parliament".

"I've been paying NI contributions for years. Now I know what they were for!".

:shock: :shock: :shock:
http://www.saabtechtalk.com/
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