THE DAILY YOKE

Order yourself a latte, and a pastry (The virtual cinnamon buns are excellent today). And have a nice chat.

Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Grasshopper » October 25th, 2018, 8:25 pm

:spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank: :spank:

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Spring ventures forth to plant the grain
And Summer dries the straw
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Gruney » October 26th, 2018, 7:03 am

In my defence, the joke was told to me by a woman, and I road tested it on three women before posting. All three thought it extremely funny.

I'm clearly on the wrong board.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby suffolk » October 26th, 2018, 7:16 am

Or possibly you need to get to know a wider selection of women .... :lol:

;)
Last edited by suffolk on October 26th, 2018, 7:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Gruney » October 26th, 2018, 7:24 am

It doesn't matter any more, Suffs.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby suffolk » October 26th, 2018, 7:33 am

Come on Gruney :) It’s not the worst joke in the world but I’d have expected it to come from Bernard Manning rather than you ... you’re a nice thoughtful chap ... but then we all see things in different contexts and with different experiences. We can still be friends. :)
“I am not lost, for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” —Winnie-the-Pooh
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Grasshopper » October 28th, 2018, 7:06 pm

Suffs is right, Gruney. Come on - lighten up.

Have a few :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
:hug:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby suffolk » October 30th, 2018, 8:24 am

It’s ok Gruneys been in touch :) he’s just taking a break ... hopefully we’ll hear from him again soon. :)
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Rainbow » October 31st, 2018, 9:49 pm

That's good to hear, Suffs. Hope he does come back as I always enjoy reading Gruney's posts.
Hope you heard/saw that, Gruney :D :hug:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Gruney » November 1st, 2018, 11:59 am

Good heavens - thank you, Rainbow.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby suffolk » November 1st, 2018, 1:10 pm

:bounce: :D :wave:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Rainbow » November 1st, 2018, 8:50 pm

Glad you popped in again, Gruney : :wave:
You shouldn't sound so surprised by my comment - I really meant it :D
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Zosherooney » November 1st, 2018, 10:05 pm

Miss you Gruney....... XX
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby slimpersoninside » November 2nd, 2018, 10:44 am

Don't be a stranger Gruney!!!
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby earthmaiden » November 2nd, 2018, 11:04 am

I think that this really shows the speed with which changes to attitudes in our society have happened, even if for good reason. Sometimes I just feel old and confused as society moves forward ... hugs Gruney :hug: :wave:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby suffolk » November 2nd, 2018, 6:34 pm

Not really a joke ... but this has made the two of us laugh so much today, loving and knowing labradors as we do ...................

http://www.edp24.co.uk/news/labrador-ea ... -1-5762937 ................ bless him :luv:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby dennispc » November 2nd, 2018, 7:18 pm

An old man was on his death bed, and wanted to be buried with his money. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's £30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I only put £20,000 into the envelope because I needed £10,000 to repair the roof of the church."
"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put £10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new X-ray machine for the paediatrics ward at the hospital, which cost £20,000."

The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, I enclosed a cheque for the full £30,000."
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby aero280 » December 11th, 2018, 10:36 am

It's still more than two months to Pancake Day, yet some shops are already selling flour and eggs!! :o :o
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Grasshopper » December 11th, 2018, 9:42 pm

aero280 wrote:It's still more than two months to Pancake Day, yet some shops are already selling flour and eggs!! :o :o


:lol:


Gruney! - :hug:

:bounce:
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And Winter shuts the door

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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Gruney » February 11th, 2019, 3:38 pm

East Anglia is an anagram of against ale.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby aero280 » February 11th, 2019, 5:45 pm

:)

There must be more like that. It would be fun to find out.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby scullion » February 11th, 2019, 5:58 pm

'at a gin sale', 'least again' and 'stale again'.
Last edited by scullion on February 11th, 2019, 6:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Zosherooney » February 11th, 2019, 6:05 pm

:wave: Gruney
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Meganthemog » February 13th, 2019, 11:34 am

Man walks into a library ' Do you have any books on turtles?'
Hardback?
'Yes and small head'
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby TeresaFoodie » February 13th, 2019, 12:28 pm

:lol:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby scullion » March 22nd, 2019, 12:21 am

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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Rainbow » March 22nd, 2019, 7:23 am

:lol: :lol:

His 'Trump Yoga' is good too!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ec02r_Zqqqk
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Gruney » March 22nd, 2019, 8:45 am

It was my wife's birthday.

She told me to book a table for two

I knew it would end in tears



She's rubbish at snooker.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby earthmaiden » March 22nd, 2019, 9:22 am

:lol:

The yoga videos are good but scrolling down the other videos I found some old Pam Ayres clips - so clever, I have just been laughing my socks off. I love comedians who take every day situations and present them in a way which has one howling with laughter. Excellent.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby suffolk » March 29th, 2019, 7:04 pm

https://us.v-cdn.net/6030279/uploads/ed ... 2angtu.jpg

Although I’m not sure if it really belongs here ... it’s not funny any more :twisted:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby earthmaiden » March 29th, 2019, 7:09 pm

... but the only answer!
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby aero280 » March 29th, 2019, 10:05 pm

I saw that earlier. It sums it up really. :(

Someone today said that we are descending into the third world and it will soon be time for the military coup. I had thought that myself, but along the Monty Python lines where Graham Chapman stops everything with the words "That's silly"...
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby aero280 » March 30th, 2019, 7:36 pm

While we are looking at Brexit meme's, here's one from the internet that's been circulating! :)

Screen Shot 2019-03-30 at 19.33.29.png
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby suffolk » March 31st, 2019, 7:25 am

You have to hand it to the lighting techies :tu:
“I am not lost, for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” —Winnie-the-Pooh
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Gruney » March 31st, 2019, 8:04 am

This isn't a joke as such - but it made me laugh.

Yesterday morning,my pal from over the way spent ages fitting a new doorbell to his front door. It was technical, and involved swearing. It was "wireless, and he could take the alarm bit into the garden and he would hear if anyone rang.

Later a delivery man arrived - I was watchful, because they are frequently out, and I take stuff for them. The man walked up the drive - and knocked on the door.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby aero280 » April 1st, 2019, 1:42 pm

:tu: :tu:

There are some foreign comedians making jokes about Brexit - how dare they!! :evil:

A French comedian has one...

"What's black and white and red all over?"

"A steak cooked in England, with ketchup and mayonnaise".
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Gruney » April 22nd, 2019, 7:06 pm

Two birds ,sitting on a perch. One says to the other - "can you smell fish?"
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby earthmaiden » April 22nd, 2019, 7:33 pm

:lol: :lol:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby TeresaFoodie » April 22nd, 2019, 9:17 pm

That was my grandad's type of joke. :lol:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Zosherooney » April 22nd, 2019, 10:04 pm

That's what we would describe as a Jankowski joke ! (that was my maiden name) :lol: The Polish sense of humour was very strange....
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Zosherooney » June 8th, 2019, 6:00 am

Cinderella is now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.



<image003.gif>
Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years"?

The fairy godmother replied,
"Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you.
Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:


"The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.
I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension. "
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said,
"Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother"

The fairy godmother replied,
"It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,
"I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."



<image004.gif>
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:
"You have one more wish; what shall it be?"



<image005.gif>
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says,
"I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat,
into a kind and handsome young man."
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.




The fairy godmother said,
"Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life."

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity,
the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments,



Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.



<image006.gif>


Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close,
blowing her golden hair
with his warm breath
as he whispered...

"Bet you're sorry you neutered me."
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby earthmaiden » June 8th, 2019, 6:47 am

:lol: :lol:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby dennispc » June 8th, 2019, 7:08 am

Now that’s what I call a joke! :lol:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Grasshopper » June 9th, 2019, 7:49 pm

LOL!!!!!!!!!
:lol:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Gruney » June 25th, 2019, 10:52 am

Little lad comes home from school. He's in a terrible state - blood everywhere, shirt ripped, buttons torn off.

His mother takes one look at him and asks - "whatever happened to you?"

"I fell out with Jim."

"But Jim's your best pal."

"I know but we fell out, and as we'd been learning about duels, I challenged him to one - and one of the rules is that whoever accepts the challenge gets the choice of weapons"

His mother looked at the state of him and said "whatever did he choose?"




"His sister."
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby earthmaiden » June 25th, 2019, 11:59 am

:lol: :lol:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Gruney » August 11th, 2019, 10:33 am

It's been calculated that the odds are much better, and we should all be switching from the UK lottery to the Eskimo one.

Don't forget - you've got to be innuit to win it.
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby suffolk » August 11th, 2019, 10:35 am

LOUD GROANING :lol:
“I am not lost, for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” —Winnie-the-Pooh
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Seatallan » August 11th, 2019, 12:36 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby Gruney » August 13th, 2019, 8:17 pm

Chap gets into a taxi - he touches the driver on the shoulder. The driver shrieked.

"I'm sorry about that" said the driver, "but it's my first day in the job. I used to be a funeral director".
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Re: THE DAILY YOKE

Postby aero280 » August 13th, 2019, 9:06 pm

:D :D
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