Okay, not strictly a joke but something me and my mate have been giggling over for a while.
We were in the swimming pool the other evening and after a few lengths she told me she felt she had a cold coming on. Later on in the sauna, accompanied by several other members, she mumbled to me 'Well, if this doesn't get rid of the germs I don't know what will'. The look on the other sauna user's faces was a picture!
So here are some other room/sauna/restaurant clearing sentences that we have thought up that you might fancy chuckling at:
‘No, I never wash my hands after I’ve been to the toilet either’. (Good to use if you are serving or prepping food and a customer/guest overhears)
‘The doctor said it could be contagious but I’ll just have to wait until the results come back’. (Universal, works well in all situations)
‘I am so angry about it I feel like smashing the nearest person’s face in’. (Said with clenched fists can be quite scary and a real room emptier)
‘I found out through studying my family tree that I am related to Peter Sutcliffe aka the Yorkshire Ripper’. (Accompany this one with a demonic look in your eyes for best results)
‘I wish I could get rid of all these verrucas on my feet’. (Especially good to use this one when bare foot by the pool or in the sauna)
‘Oh no, I’ve just realised I didn’t put an incontinent pad on this morning’. (Add a look of discomfort and clutch bottom at same time then watch everyone run away)
‘Was that a rat I just saw running behind that table?’ (Useful when you can’t find an empty table in a restaurant)
‘I spotted a few of them hopping around in other half’s hair when we were in bed last night’. (You may not clear a hair salon with this one but you can guarantee being kicked out of one)
‘The last time I ate here I found a massive dead cockroach in my salad’. (A good one to use if you have got it in for the chef)