THE DAILY YOKE

[Grasshopper]

Like that one, Gruney!!!!

Grasshopper

[suffolk]

Its the way you tell ‘em ...

[Gruney]

Two elderly ladies paying their last respects to the husband of one of them.

The widow says - "Such a shame - he died because he wouldn't tell anyone his blood group. But he was brave until the end - I'll always remember his last words of encouragement to me - be positive".

[Oat]

[Grasshopper]

*groans*

Grasshopper

[suffolk]

Oh dear oh dear oh dear

[earthmaiden]

[TeresaFoodie]

[suffolk]

Not really a joke ... but Chatterbox didn’t feel the right place for a sort of amusing foodie news item today

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/h ... 1.html?amp

[earthmaiden]

Funny - but what the dickens was flour to be used to feed the public doing being transported like that?

[Gruney]

Caesar manages to get a couple of tickets for the final - for himself and Brutus.

He arrives well before the start, and is enjoying the match, but no Brutus.

Eventually, Brutus turns up. "Sorry I'm late, Caesar - there was a traffic accident - chariots all over the place. What's the score?"

Caesar replied





Eight - two Brute.

[suffolk]

[Gruney]

An American travels to the West Coast of Ireland, to find out how they conduct their elections.

Well, says the local, you go into the little booth with a piece of paper showing a list of the people standing - you'll see a pencil, and you just put a cross againt the one you like the look of. The one with the most crosses wins.

The American - this all seems very simple, but aren't you worried about security?

No, says the old lad - we've thought about that. We tie a piece of string to the end of the pencil.

[suffolk]

[aero280]

[aero280]

Well, we hve just been to vote and I can confirm that all the pencils were present and tied on with string!

[scullion]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LI87PRgIKks - well, someone had to!

[suffolk]

You have to laugh or you’d cry and cry and cry ... and it’s wet enough around here and he’s proved he’s no help in a flood ... https://metro.co.uk/2019/11/11/boris-jo ... -11077415/

[earthmaiden]

I'm sure there is a 'Should've gone to Specsavers' joke there somewhere.

[Gruney]

In 1827, Beethoven died. The general feeling was that he should be put in a glass coffin, with all his accoutrements, for the general public to pay their respects to the great man.

All went well for well over 100 years, until one day, there was a terrible scream from a lady visitor.

The curator rushed to the scene - "whatever's the matter, madam?"

"It was terrible - he moved".

"What do you mean, he moved?"

"He picked up his rubber, and started to wipe it over his manuscript!"

"Oh that's all right, madam - he's just slowly decomposing".

[suffolk]