Wildfood.info

by **Grasshopper** » August 13th, 2019, 9:07 pm

Like that one, Gruney!!!!
:bounce:

Grasshopper

by **suffolk** » August 14th, 2019, 4:45 am

Its the way you tell ‘em ... :lol:

by **Gruney** » August 14th, 2019, 4:21 pm

Two elderly ladies paying their last respects to the husband of one of them.

The widow says - "Such a shame - he died because he wouldn't tell anyone his blood group. But he was brave until the end - I'll always remember his last words of encouragement to me - be positive".

by **Oat** » August 14th, 2019, 4:40 pm

by **Grasshopper** » August 14th, 2019, 7:30 pm

*groans*

Grasshopper

by **suffolk** » August 15th, 2019, 2:12 pm

Oh dear oh dear oh dear :rolleyes:

by **earthmaiden** » August 15th, 2019, 2:22 pm

by **TeresaFoodie** » August 15th, 2019, 9:22 pm

by **suffolk** » August 30th, 2019, 4:58 pm

Not really a joke ... but Chatterbox didn’t feel the right place for a sort of amusing foodie news item today

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/h ... 1.html?amp

by **earthmaiden** » August 30th, 2019, 5:53 pm

Funny - but what the dickens was flour to be used to feed the public doing being transported like that?

by **Gruney** » September 4th, 2019, 2:18 pm

Caesar manages to get a couple of tickets for the final - for himself and Brutus.

He arrives well before the start, and is enjoying the match, but no Brutus.

Eventually, Brutus turns up. "Sorry I'm late, Caesar - there was a traffic accident - chariots all over the place. What's the score?"

Caesar replied

Eight - two Brute.

by **suffolk** » September 4th, 2019, 2:26 pm

by **Gruney** » December 12th, 2019, 11:48 am

An American travels to the West Coast of Ireland, to find out how they conduct their elections.

Well, says the local, you go into the little booth with a piece of paper showing a list of the people standing - you'll see a pencil, and you just put a cross againt the one you like the look of. The one with the most crosses wins.

The American - this all seems very simple, but aren't you worried about security?

No, says the old lad - we've thought about that. We tie a piece of string to the end of the pencil.

by **suffolk** » December 12th, 2019, 12:00 pm

by **aero280** » December 12th, 2019, 12:08 pm

by **aero280** » December 12th, 2019, 12:43 pm

Well, we hve just been to vote and I can confirm that all the pencils were present and tied on with string!

by **scullion** » December 19th, 2019, 11:16 am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LI87PRgIKks - well, someone had to!

by **suffolk** » December 19th, 2019, 11:58 am

You have to laugh or you’d cry and cry and cry ... and it’s wet enough around here and he’s proved he’s no help in a flood ... https://metro.co.uk/2019/11/11/boris-jo ... -11077415/

by **earthmaiden** » December 19th, 2019, 3:40 pm

I'm sure there is a 'Should've gone to Specsavers' joke there somewhere.

by **Gruney** » January 4th, 2020, 11:14 pm

In 1827, Beethoven died. The general feeling was that he should be put in a glass coffin, with all his accoutrements, for the general public to pay their respects to the great man.

All went well for well over 100 years, until one day, there was a terrible scream from a lady visitor.

The curator rushed to the scene - "whatever's the matter, madam?"

"It was terrible - he moved".

"What do you mean, he moved?"

"He picked up his rubber, and started to wipe it over his manuscript!"

"Oh that's all right, madam - he's just slowly decomposing".

by **suffolk** » January 5th, 2020, 4:52 am

by **aero280** » January 31st, 2020, 4:06 pm

The Germans do have a sense of humour!

In their equivalent of the "Daily Mash", etc. there is an article warning all Germans to search through their Euro coins and spend the British issued ones "because they will be worthless after midnight"

They even include pictures showing the way to identify British coins...

https://www.der-postillon.com/2020/01/b ... enzen.html

by **scullion** » January 31st, 2020, 8:39 pm

by **earthmaiden** » January 31st, 2020, 9:18 pm

The depiction of fish and chips is humorous if nothing else!

by **hickybank** » February 3rd, 2020, 8:53 pm

Having one of those embarrassing moments, when you realise there is no toilet paper & you have to do that awkward waddle with your trousers half down.
But not to worry I am almost at Aldi now.

by **suffolk** » February 3rd, 2020, 9:01 pm

by **Gruney** » February 6th, 2020, 2:19 pm

Inspired by the Naturewatch thread.

Two cormorants on a perch. One says to the other - "Can you smell fish?"

by **suffolk** » February 6th, 2020, 2:22 pm

by **Gruney** » February 6th, 2020, 9:35 pm

Apparently Liverpool FC tried to use Yul Brynner in an advertising campaign for a men's deoderant. It didn't take off. Yul never wore cologne.

by **earthmaiden** » February 6th, 2020, 9:44 pm

groan- where do you get them from Gruney?

by **hickybank** » February 6th, 2020, 10:06 pm

by **suffolk** » February 6th, 2020, 10:36 pm

Oh dear oh dear oh dear ............ :lol:

by **Grasshopper** » February 9th, 2020, 8:59 pm

*groans*

Grasshopper

by **Gruney** » February 22nd, 2020, 12:36 pm

The "Japanglish" thread reminded me of the story of the Chinese firm who thought they would compile a book of English proverbs.

It failed to take off, when "out of sight - out of mind" translated to "invisible - insane."

by **suffolk** » February 22nd, 2020, 12:42 pm

by **aero280** » February 23rd, 2020, 1:22 pm

One of the contributors on the car forum has admitted to having five cars. One is a diesel estate for work. His wife has a small car. He bought a people carrier for the family. He also has a convertible "for the summer" and a car that he's doing up as a "project", along with a scrap one that is being used as "spares" for the "project"...

Another poster on the forum has suggested that he's suffering from car owner virus... :rolleyes:

by **Oat** » February 23rd, 2020, 1:28 pm

by **Grasshopper** » February 23rd, 2020, 8:46 pm

SOMEONE had to come out with that! :rolleyes:

Grasshopper

by **Gruney** » February 27th, 2020, 2:30 pm

Forecast to snow here last night, but when I got up and looked out the window I found David Jason getting out of a police car.

Turns out it was just a Touch of Frost.

by **suffolk** » February 27th, 2020, 2:53 pm

by **earthmaiden** » February 27th, 2020, 5:01 pm

by **Gruney** » March 2nd, 2020, 10:22 pm

Got this text yesterday. Do you think it's a scam?

Congratulations you are a winner in our draw. You have won either £250 cash or two tickets for an Elvis Presley tribute concert.

Please press
1 For the money
2 for the show

by **earthmaiden** » March 2nd, 2020, 10:32 pm

by **Gruney** » March 4th, 2020, 4:30 pm

A bit of relief from the coronovirus thread.

Chap walks to the counter of a small cocktail lounge - there's nobody there.

After a couple of seconds he hears a voice say - " you're very handsome, you know."

Still nobody there.

"And you've got lovely eyes."

It went on like this for a couple of minutes, until the barmaid appeared. He related what had happened, and that he was a bit alarmed.

"Oh don't worry" she said, "it's just the complimentary peanuts".