Looking after our parents (part 2)

Order yourself a latte, and a pastry (The virtual cinnamon buns are excellent today). And have a nice chat.

Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » August 7th, 2018, 4:50 pm

WW :hug: good that she's made that hint ... there are some very good residential care homes out there ... ones with social activities and interesting outings, discussion groups etc, as well as ensuring residents can spend time on their own doing their own thing or just doing nothing at all if that's what they want.

Also start thinking about the sort of things she'll want to take with her ... pieces of furniture that aren't too big but that will help her to make her room feel like home ... framed photos.

Also for the future, family albums may well be useful (with photos named ...her memory may fade ... and a family tree and a list of friends who are important to her) also a bit of family history ... where she grew up, what her parents did, what she did, hobbies, holidays, all that sort of thing ... that way in the future staff/carers can have appropriate conversations with her. She won't need all that stuff at the moment but it's so useful to have ready if it is needed.

Good luck :D :tu:
“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”
― Virginia Woolf
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby StokeySue » August 7th, 2018, 5:39 pm

Sounds very positive in a way WWordsworth. It’s a big step, but sounds like she is going to cooperate.


The memorabilia is quite complex, and a lot of older people don’t in fact like being reminded that they have outlived all their relatives but prefer more generic things like old photos of familiar places, talking about (and watching) old movies etc. You have to play it by ear
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby scullion » August 8th, 2018, 1:10 am

i used to think that electronic photo frames were rather horrible but both my mother and my partner's father (who had Alzheimer's) loved the ones we gave them. there was an 'oh! that's my father!' from my partners father as soon as we switched it on.
it also means that they're there, with changing photos on view, whenever they want and without having to go through albums. old photos just need scanning and loading onto an sd card that slots in.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby earthmaiden » August 8th, 2018, 7:16 am

Although sad, it sounds as though you now have some time to think about and research suitable care homes properly. :hug:

Personally, in this case, one of my top priorities would be to find somewhere that really understands the needs of those with sight and hearing loss. My experiences with MIL brought to light so many so called experts who didn't.

My ma declined the offer to have any of her personal effects in her room. I was forced to store a lot of stuff at my house just in case she asked for it. She liked having up to date photos of her grandchildren and to have some kind of plant life to nurture. As someone who had never owned a TV, that became more and more of an attraction. She developed quite a crush on David Jason in a Touch of Frost :lol:.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby uschi » August 8th, 2018, 9:49 am

earthmaiden wrote:She developed quite a crush on David Jason in a Touch of Frost :lol:.

Aaaaww!!! :aww: :aww: :aww:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby WWordsworth » August 9th, 2018, 11:23 am

Having failed to get through on the phone for the last few days I have made contact with mother this morning.
(She's so deaf she can't hear the phone unless it's right next to her)

She spends a huge amount of time in bed these days - anything up to 20 hours per day - but today she was up and washed and about to get dressed.
My cousin had gone over for a coffee with her and had nipped out for some shopping so Mum decided to get dressed and go downstairs :tu:

I told her J and I will go up next Thu after work and we will stay until the "home help" arrives on Sat teatime.
I said I would cancel the carers for both visits on Friday plus Saturday morning, to which she replied that she probably won't be needing them by then as she feels so much better. :?

She bl%%dy 91, can hear, can't see, can barely walk, doesn't bother enough with food & drink if she's left unattended and thinks she doesn't need any help.

What I really want to do is set a bed up for her downstairs so she has easier access to the kitchen.
She has a downstairs loo so that's not a problem but each time I have mentioned it she has flatly refused.

J says he can see where I get my stubbornness from.
I think he must be confusing me with someone else.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » August 9th, 2018, 5:45 pm

Explain that the carers are really there for your peace of mind ... you know she doesn't really need them, but you really can't concentrate on anything else unless you know there's someone going in each day and doing little bits for her ... the only alternative would be for you to keep driving up and down every few days ... or even move in and think of the disruption!!! :shock:

Would that work??? :hug:

Or even 'everyone else's mothers have home helps coming in' my friends will think I'm an awful daughter if I don't make sure you have a home help too ....... how would that do?
“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”
― Virginia Woolf
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Rainbow » August 9th, 2018, 11:11 pm

You really are good at this, aren't you Suffs? :D :D
Sounds like really great advice.

Plenty of experience from the past, I guess :hug: :hug:
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