Looking after our parents (part 2)

Order yourself a latte, and a pastry (The virtual cinnamon buns are excellent today). And have a nice chat.

Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Seatallan » November 26th, 2019, 2:28 pm

Herbi, if she's not on the point of being discharged, you know she's safe, warm and being looked after. You keep that GP appointment unless it's absolutely imperative that you visit your mother sooner than already planned. And that's an order so there. :) :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » November 26th, 2019, 3:08 pm

Ongoing tiredness needs investigating and sorting out. Dashing about from a misplaced feeling of guilt will not help either of you. :hug: As Earthmaiden says, your time and energy may be put to better use in a few days’ time. I would keep that appointment unless the hospital say you are needed there now :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » November 26th, 2019, 3:11 pm

And I’m prepared to make it an order too ... :whip2: so there ;)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » November 26th, 2019, 3:57 pm

I am afraid I am going to have to disobey. It sounds quite bad (although I am getting mixed messages). Husband is coming home and we are going to drive up.

Poor cats... still clingy from our weekend away.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » November 26th, 2019, 4:01 pm

Ok ... if information from the hospital is concerning then of course you should go ... with our best wishes and love xx
Take care of yourselves :hug: Our fingers are crossed for positive news.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » November 26th, 2019, 4:10 pm

Thank you.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Busybee » November 26th, 2019, 4:11 pm

Herbi :hug: :hug: . Safe journey, and I hope that you find her improving.

Try some mindfulness on the journey, and make sure you have something to eat.

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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Seatallan » November 26th, 2019, 5:33 pm

Safe journey Herbi. Hope things go as well as they can do and that you can rearrange your GP appointment without too long a wait. :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » November 26th, 2019, 7:03 pm

Herbidacious wrote:I could just go. GP appointment is re ongoing tiredness. It’s not urgent.


You seem to have being feeling listless for so long that I would urge you to go to your GP appt, even the carers need care you know, isn't there a Latin thingy for that? Let the hospital sort out a discharge plan, let others bear the burden and introduce extra home care if necessary, even you can't do everything.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby StokeySue » November 27th, 2019, 12:02 pm

Sorry to hear the news Herbi
Don’t rush, it won’t help either of you in the long run
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » November 27th, 2019, 8:14 pm

Miss Mouse I really did fear that there would be no discharge... She seemed a lot better today though. Last night she looked so awful I struggled not to burst into tears when I saw her. Today, some colour and much more with it, although apparently she is still vomitting.

It seems her neighbours, having seen her lights on at 2am, came round to see if she was ok, phoned an ambulance, which came at 5. Neighbours thought this was going to be 'it' for her, too...

If she is as well tomorrow as today, I will go home after visiting her.

I am shattered in spite of an hour and a half's sleep late afternoon.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Busybee » November 27th, 2019, 8:18 pm

Herbi, I am so relieved for you, when you hadn’t posted I feared the worst.

Fingers crossed that she continues to improve, what wonderful neighbours she has.

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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » November 27th, 2019, 8:24 pm

Sorry. It's been a bit of a hectic 24 hours.

Yes, the neighbours are good people.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby earthmaiden » November 27th, 2019, 8:42 pm

Glad you were able to go with your OH's support and that your mother is being well cared for :hug:.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » November 27th, 2019, 8:47 pm

Thanks EM. OH has gone back now. He does struggle with not being at work (even when it's a job he's not enthused about!) Very grateful he is now in a job which allows him to get away (although he was supposed to be at a three day team building thing for new employees to which people had flown in from around the wold :o ) and that he is not in Germany.

My mother very much likes the staff on her ward and she is in a room on her own as potentially contagious, so that all helps.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » November 28th, 2019, 8:27 am

Good to hear relatively positive news Herbi ... such a relief for you :hug: Good neighbours are such a blessing when we have elderly parents. It’s good too that your mother feels ok about being cared for in hospital ... she must’ve felt quite frightened when she started being ill in the middle of the night.

Great too that your husband was able to give you the support you needed without causing havoc at work :tu:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » November 28th, 2019, 8:36 am

Herbidacious wrote:My mother very much likes the staff on her ward and she is in a room on her own as potentially contagious, so that all helps.


Good, I am glad she is content there. What a worry for you.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Seatallan » November 28th, 2019, 9:04 am

I'm glad she seems to be on the mend Herbi :hug:

Please, though, make another appointment with your GP if you haven't done so already... :luv:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby uschi » November 28th, 2019, 11:17 am

Fingers crossed for her!!! I hope she will be feeling like this soon!!!
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As for OH, the Glühwein stalls are open, so he is missing out. ;) Fingers crossed for the new job, too!!!
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby StokeySue » November 28th, 2019, 11:49 am

Good to here your mother is doing well Herbi
Now take care of yourself as well
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » November 28th, 2019, 7:08 pm

Seatallan wrote:Please, though, make another appointment with your GP if you haven't done so already...


Yes, please do.

I hope this doesn't count as a 'nag', it probably is really.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Pepper Pig » November 28th, 2019, 7:58 pm

I had a GP appointment today to review my medication as I’m on blood thinners. During the half an hour I was in the waiting room there were at least ten people coughing for England. Then a child who was with his parents and siblings vomited copiously. He wasn’t even the child being seen by the doctor! :lol:

But I’m sure you should go Herbi!
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » November 28th, 2019, 7:58 pm

I came home as planned but now seem to have her vomiting bug. Feeling terrible. What a week!

Before I left, we had the ‘should we resuscitate in the event of heart failure’ conversation with a doctor. He was strongly leaning towards a ‘no’ answer. Not an easy conversation. Wish OH had been there as mummy was trying to turn it into my decision, I felt.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » November 28th, 2019, 8:01 pm

That sounds exciting Pepper P. I think you taught in schools at one time so would have been exposed to oodles of stuff, with luck your immune system is like an air raid bunker.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » November 28th, 2019, 8:07 pm

Herbidacious wrote:I came home as planned but now seem to have her vomiting bug. Feeling terrible. What a week!


Oh dear, I think the vom thing is going around, a young neighbour has it. V sarky remarks from The Office apparently as he left at clocking off time, 5pm, I hope the whole poxy office gets it, young neighbour is pretty ill.


Herbidacious wrote:Before I left, we had the ‘should we resuscitate in the event of heart failure’ conversation with a doctor. He was strongly leaning towards a ‘no’ answer. Not an easy conversation.


Up to you. The process is brutal and outcomes terrible. Assuming survival which is doubtful.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Pepper Pig » November 28th, 2019, 8:14 pm

Horrible to have to be the one Herbi. Have tried to have the conversation with OH but he throws it back at me.

Hope you feel better soon. :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » November 29th, 2019, 9:03 am

My mother is sufficiently with it to make the decision. I did tell her that she had to. But really felt the Doctor was giving us the hard sell (for death).

It’s officially the Noro Virus - mother’s test results came back last night. At the risk of jinxing it, I don’t think I have it that badly. I’d had nothing to eat or drink yesterday until 4 when I had water, so that probably helped...? I have a lot of aches and pains though. Hard to sleep.

PP, I hope you don’t get it from the child. That’s the problem with GP surgeries and hospitals... full of ill people!
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Seatallan » November 29th, 2019, 9:08 am

Hope you come out the other side soon Herbi :hug:

As for the other... it is, as you say, your mother's decision. What I would say is that I was with my poorly (now deceased) friend when the 'end of life' discussions were taking place. She elected not to be resucitated and her GP commented that (as miss mouse says) the process is very rarely successful anyhow (or not in the case of someone weakened by old age or serious illness anyway).

And get yourself another GP appointment if you haven't already.... :hug: :luv:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » November 29th, 2019, 9:29 am

Hope you’re feeling better soon Herbi ... I had Norovirus a few Christmases ago ... no fun at all :cry: :hug:

‘That discussion’ is never easy but it’s good to get it done. I knew for years that Ma would not wish to be resuscitated if she were old or very ill ... she’d seen attempts to resuscitate her father and was horrified by it all. I was able to agree to a DNR instruction knowing that was her stated choice. Their wonderful GP had that conversation with Pa when he began to get frail. Both my parents were very pragmatic and I’m grateful for it.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » November 29th, 2019, 10:57 am

My mother said to the dcotor that if the quality of her life were very poor, she would not want to be resuscitated, and that at the moment it's not. He then said there was a possiblity of brain damage. This made her think differently. I suppose the question is can you put a probability on that. If it were me, I would want to base my decision on that.

It's clear, though, that she doesn't really want to die. Or more importanantly, very much wants to live.

The doctor asked her what her memory was like, and she said she forgot things but had a system for trying to remember them. I wondered whether to say to him (in private) that we have the same conversation now not just every night but several times within the span of a phone call. Not sure how relevant this is though.

Talking of bad memory, I hid my (partially made) computer back up before I left. I could have sworn it was in my underwear drawer :( I have no idea where else it might be. I must stop doing this. But it's the leaving in a panic thing, which also means panicking about being burgled (Lots of break ins on our road this month.) My computere is making bad noises too so really need to finish the back up.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby uschi » November 29th, 2019, 3:24 pm

Good luck with the computer! I do the same. The best thing is to make the decision once and for all and then stick to the place. Maybe hide a hint somewhere?
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby StokeySue » November 29th, 2019, 4:31 pm

I think I may have had norovirus already had all the symptoms, but never actually vomited,
Apparently you can get it many times, but because I have had the full on version a couple of times maybe I have some immunity?
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » November 29th, 2019, 5:11 pm

I am really very confounded by the hard drive's not being in the underwear drawer. A more concerted prayer to St Anthony, I suppose. I think this is a sign of my getting older. I used to be very good at finding things. Also an indictment on our messy house with too much stuff in it.

I have not been very sick, Sue. The 'other' more so. I think I am getting off lightly, really. Mind you, I've not eaten for 48 hours nowm and am still afraid to do so. Four hours in taxis and trains trying not to be sick was hell.

I have had it many times. First time when I was 21 then every five years or about 10 years ago. It's ramapant I gather, especiailly at this time of year, but I never had it as a child, and don't remember anyone else having it.

My parents had it a few weeks before Christmas probably about 17 (?) years ago, and I went up to look after them, and promptly got it, so second time my mother has given it to me, and at this time of year.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » November 30th, 2019, 11:48 am

They are discharging her today :o Apparently she's not that happy about it. I hope she doesn't do anything naughty to get herself readmitted.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Busybee » November 30th, 2019, 12:22 pm

My ex MIL has been hospitalised since 30th November. I visited on Sunday, in my opinion she was still very poorly. She is on oxygen . They discharged her on Tuesday, home with a care package as she lives alone with no nearby family. Her so. Is in Australia, I’m 90 minutes away. She lasted 36 hours at home before being readmitted.

She has hospital acquired pneumonia. This is despite me raising the issue of her chest rattle on Sunday. She is DNAR.

I’m very upset, despite being divorced more than 20 years we are still close and speak at least every week.

My ex is coming over in a couple of weeks, I hope that this gives her a boost to hang on. She still has her beautiful geordie sense of humour.

I find myself jumping and dreading answering the unexpected phone calls. Not helped by bl**dy scam calls!

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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » November 30th, 2019, 12:29 pm

oh Busybee that sounds awful. They are probably short of beds, but no excuse. (Poor old NHS...)

Many :hug: s
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