Looking after our parents (part 2)

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Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Suelle » January 24th, 2013, 1:39 pm

(edit by Rio, topic split, old posts can be found here: viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1598&start=3550)
tinyTrishkins wrote:Yes Suelle you are correct.

POA has been registered but not activate, that's up to me, luckily the solicitor is only next door so it can be done quickly. As we have a majority rule clause between myself, :twisted: and cousin, everything has to be discussed between us.

So far mum is able to write a cheque, with a little help from me, telling her the date and where to write on the cheque. She has control over her own card and only gives it to me when we go shopping or to the whole in the wall.

This will all end soon and I will get the POA activated by April so I can transfer her money from her normal A/C to top up her ISA. We do this once a year and it's a pain for mum to have to physically go to the bank herself. Any transactions I make on mum's behalf and purchases will be all documented and recipts to proove what's what, obviously after I have consulted the other two so at least one of them is in agreement to any of my proposals. i.e she needs a new microwave.


A POA takes at least three weeks to get through the courts, so start well in advance. Completing the registration of my mother's took about 6 weeks from notifying the interested parties to receiving back the registered POA from the court. She had signed the POA back in 2007, but hadn't registered it. I did all the paperwork myself - saved nearly £200 in solicitors fees, which is on top of the cost of the registration.
Last edited by Riocaz on January 28th, 2013, 12:56 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Looking after our parents

Postby suffolk » January 26th, 2013, 7:57 am

Cheers Ann :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents

Postby jrc » January 26th, 2013, 8:41 am

Like SG I don't watch this thread regularly but :hug: :hug: for Suffs and family.
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Re: Looking after our parents

Postby suffolk » January 26th, 2013, 8:45 am

:D :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents

Postby uschi » January 26th, 2013, 8:53 am

Oh suffolk, I am glad your mother is OK and doesn't need to go to hospital straight away!!! I hope she can be with your father right to the end. I think it was important for my parents, too, to have that. Looking back, I wish I could have taken my father to hospitalto see her more often, but it wasn't to be.

Here's wishing you lots of strength!!! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents

Postby suffolk » January 26th, 2013, 8:58 am

Thanks Uschi :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 28th, 2013, 9:21 am

Suffs, I feel for you! :hug: Glad to hear your Pa has picked up and seems a bit brighter :tu: ...if only your Ma had had the op when she needed it before :roll: ...they always think they know best :roll: ;)

I'm exhausted! We took mum out for the day on Saturday to Dunbar, OH had a survey out there and thought it would be nice to take mum with us. He went off and did his survey and mum and I went to a pub round the corner in the harbour.

Ist problem was that the ladies were up stairs, we were both desperate but had to take it slowley. The loos were minute and I could here mum grumbling away and getting in a state. We went downstairs and looked at the menu...I suggested mum have soup, she wanted a panini...she'd never had one before but insisted that is what she wanted and of course turned her nose up at it when it arrive....I re ordered her the soup!

We ran out of petrol on the way home....OH was insistent we had enough to get home, dismissing my idea to fill up before we left Dumbar :roll: ....the language in the car was a bit blue, needless to say.

Mum was the saving grace it turned out. We had ground to a halt on the motorway exit road right at the roundabout, not a good place to stop in fading light. I rang the AA ( member ) OH's not, say's its a waste of money :roll:

I mentioned that we were not safe and couldn't leave the car as it was freezing and we had my disabled 91yr old mum with us. Well they pulled out all the stops, a police car was sent to block us from being hit from behind and the AA turned up within 20 mins.....very very very impressed! The Police were not too impressed that we had run out of petrol, to be sort of fair to OH the computer said we had 32 miles left in the tank...even though the light was flashing.

Dropped mum off home, she was pleased to be back and I made her dinner and left. 7pm she rang saying her back was sore, well that's par for the course cause she has a bad back. 9pm she rang again and then again at 9.30...she said it was itchy this time. I drove down to here place only to find her back covered in a rash :shock: Called the emergency doc who said it could be up to four hours before they arrived. I put Dibro Base on her back/arms and legs and gave her a paracetamol and left around midnight, once she had fallen asleep.

Sunday morning the phone went at 9am...Mum saying "Emergency Emergency" my back is on fire :shock: I zoomed down in the car and her poor back was red raw! I pulled the red cord and they said they would send a doctor out. I gave her two more paracetamol and covered her back/arms/neck legs in Dibro Base again and she settled down and we watched the Tennis. The Doctor arrived at 3pm only to tell me that a colleague had already been out to mum at 4am that morning and left tablets for her to take...of course I knew nothing about this. Found the tablets in her bedside draw, only one taken...the one the doc made her take.

I then went at 3.30 to do her shopping for her, I forgot to take her card and only realised when I was at the check out, so payed with my card! When I got back and unpacked the shopping I asked for her card so I could go to the hole in the wall and recoupe my outlay, I gave her a receipt. £40....in the shopping I had bought her a bunch of flowers...not unusual she buys herself a bunch every couple of weeks...when I told her how much she owed me, she got very upset and told me off for buying the flowers.


:twisted: :twisted:

Anyway she finally parted with her card and I shall give it back to her with the reciept tonight. I have also rung the district nurse and they are going to pop in this morning and check her back and apply more cream...the doc said she had to take the tabs and let it run it's course, so the d/n are going to monitor her 3 times a day for 3 days :D :tu:
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Re: Looking after our parents

Postby suffolk » January 28th, 2013, 10:46 am

:shock: sounds like yours and mine might make a matching pair Trish!
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Re: Looking after our parents

Postby uschi » January 28th, 2013, 10:46 am

Oh dear, what a saga!!! But at least she got out and saw something nice!

What is it on her back??? A rash or is she sore?
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Re: Looking after our parents

Postby MischievousRealRo » January 28th, 2013, 11:06 am

Oh dear Trish that is a drama. Hope she and you are both doing better now.

Drama continues with my aged Ps. Met them at the garden centre on Sunday morning as I had a BOGOF for their cooked breakfasts. Mum was so stiff that she could hardly get out of the chair. It took ages to get Dad out of his wheelchair and into the car (there was no disabled parking slot for them which made life worse). Mum was spitting chips as someone without a blue badge had parked in one of the disabled spaces (they may in fairness just have forgotten to display it). She was saying they got up at 9am and it was 11am by the time they reached the garden centre.

The carers started last week and that seems to have worked out well. Will bide my time and then slide in a suggestion that perhaps it is increased to twice a week and then take it from there. Thank you for all the ideas about medication I will put them to Mum. However you can bet your bottom dollar that there will be some hugely negative reason why the blister packs won't suit.

Take care :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents

Postby uschi » January 28th, 2013, 11:10 am

Ro, I hope they will work!!!
If both are a bit frail on their legs maybe they could be prescribed physio? It would help them a lot.
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Re: Looking after our parents

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 28th, 2013, 12:11 pm

Awe, Ro, your not alone with them making excuses...mum contantly moans about this and that and when I offer a solution there is always an excuse why that won't work :roll:

Uschi, the Doc say's it's either an alergic rash ( to what I wouldn't know, perhaps wearing that blinking green jumper :lol: ) or a viral rash, but reckons the tablets if all taken should surfice.

On Sat night at 10.30pm I changed all her bedding..top to bottom just incase it was something in the bed...On Sunday I washed all her clothes, including the dreaded green jumper...she was none to impressed :lol:
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Re: Looking after our parents

Postby Riocaz » January 28th, 2013, 12:49 pm

Last edited by Riocaz on January 28th, 2013, 12:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » January 28th, 2013, 2:12 pm

Thank you Lee, that's great :D :kneel:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 28th, 2013, 2:22 pm

:tu: Cheers Lee

Just had the district nurse on the phone....she is appalled with mum's rash and as I, finds it very strange that 2 doctors have seen it and don't seem to be overly concerned, just left her with a packet of tablets, she is also irate that they ( the D/N's ) haven't been called by the doctors concerned to check on mum and apply the cream. Luckily I remembered about the D/N's cause they were called in to change mum's dressings from her skin graft 4 years ago, otherwise I wouldn't of thought of them.

She is going to arrange for mum's GP to pop out today to look at the rash. She is going back at 3pm to apply more cream and I shall apply some more when I get down to do her dinner. It's 70% of her body! :twisted:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Annie » January 28th, 2013, 2:28 pm

Trish :hug: :hug: :hug: one for each of the 3 of you (don't want to leave your OH out :lol: ) and then an extra one for you and your mum :hug: :hug:

Not been about much on the board ATM. I'm trying to deal with my uncle and his wife who are both incredibly stubborn about receiving help with his care. I've done a couple of waking nights so that my aunt can get some rest. It is so difficult with them as they are incredibly private people, totally dedicated to each other and he wants to die at home although the McMillan co-ordinator and the doctor keep suggesting he should go into a hospice or hospital. Knowing the pair of them I can only agree with what they say but they will not have extra help in the house.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » January 28th, 2013, 2:36 pm

Annie :hug: :hug: :hug: that sounds a tough situation :(
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Annie » January 28th, 2013, 2:43 pm

Suffolk tell me about it :roll:

They won't let their daughter do anything ans she is staying in this country to be with them (she lives in Spain most of the time where her husband works). He certainly wouldn't let his daughter bathe or toilet him. I've taught all the techniques I can with lifting and handling to help her as much as I can. She finds using a towel as a sling very helpful and I got the McMillan nurse to bring her a proper sling. I've taught her how to roll him on the bed to change the sheets although most of the time he will get up and sit in the living room there have still been days when he can't. But it is a very fine line between helping and what they would consider interfering :hug: .
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » January 28th, 2013, 2:58 pm

:( There may come a time when they have no choice - Pa would not have wanted me to help toilet him and do intimate personal care - and he would be mortified now if he remembered some of the stuff I did - thank goodness he doesn't remember any of that time.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby FoodMary » January 28th, 2013, 3:01 pm

Annie it is so hard dealing with people like that. When my Darling Dad was dying of cancer we (Ma and my sister and I) were all at home, sis and I having taken compassionate leave from our jobs abroad. I don't know, even with three of us, how we would have managed without the McMillan nurses, even though my Ma was a nurse. We all ended up totally exhausted, physically and mentally but we also had the joy of spending as much time with him as we possibly could. One of us slept in an armchair in his room every night to make sure he was never alone.

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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Annie » January 28th, 2013, 3:17 pm

I've managed to persuade them to let me do the odd waking night shift so that my aunt gets some sleep to recharge. With a promise to call her if he needs more than a pillow fluffing or to lift the covers off him a little when he is to hot or give him a drink.

We all love them dearly but could strangle them ATM. I do know that just the fact that we are thinking of them gives them some strength.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 29th, 2013, 1:16 pm

Afternoon wild carers ;)

I'm at my wits end, mum's rash is still with her and with her dementia getting worse it's causing all sorts of problems. I have had the warden on the phone this morning saying mum has been asking for the Doctor, even though the district nurse had just been there. Also that mum was wondering the corridor in her nighty showing people her rash and asking for help :hug: ...I have just spoken to Brenda she advised ringing the district nurse which I have just done, they in turn told me to ring the her Doc.

I have just got off the phone to her doc, I suggested that with her mental state every time she sees the rash it's like seeing it for the first time and she has no recollection that she is being treated, I suggested that it might be better for everyone if they could admitt mum into hospital as wandering the corridor showing the other residence and asking for help is not good for mum or the other residence. The Doc said that's no case for admission to hospital. I asked her if she was aware of the rash, she said she was, I then asked if she had seen the rash for herself, she said no! :? I suggested that she go and check mum out for herself. She has promised she will go down this avo and have a look and make a discision then.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby PatsyMFagan » January 29th, 2013, 1:20 pm

What a worry for you Trish - and how the doctor can make such decisions without seeing your Mum's rash is beyond me ........ I was going to suggest that it could be shingles, but I presume that has been discounted?
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby sarebear1982 » January 29th, 2013, 1:22 pm

Trish :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 29th, 2013, 1:36 pm

Don't know Patsy, that was my initial thought too but the two doc's and the district nurse have not alluded to that, they are saying it's probably an allergy...but to what we don't know. The washing powder change was 4 months ago it seems highly unlikely it would be that.

Brenda the warden asked me if she had eaten anything different lately, I said the only thing different was the Haggis she had at their burns night do on Friday night.....Brenda was silent for a couple of secs :lol:

If she were admitted at least she would know simply by being in a hospital ward that she was being cared for....last week when she had her overnight stay for the bowel blockage she was in a huge ward with about 16 beds and only her and one other lady in it.

I feel so helpless :cry:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby uschi » January 29th, 2013, 2:01 pm

Trish, just a thought: if it is any kind of infection that might impact on her dementia. My mother didn't have dementia, but each time she had an infection that addled her brain (in the last two years, when her cancer had weakened her too much).

It might be the same for your mother. Insist they test her for what it is. If it's shingles, then she bloody well should be treated. If it's something bacterial then she should have antibiotics. And if it's "just" a rash she should be given creams and pills to help with the itching.

If they won't admit her to hospital, would a big printed sign over her bed and anywhere else she can see it help which tells her she is being treated for the rash??? :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby MischievousRealRo » January 29th, 2013, 2:23 pm

tinyTrishkins wrote:Ist problem was that the ladies were up stairs, we were both desperate but had to take it slowley. The loos were minute and I could here mum grumbling away and getting in a state. We went downstairs and looked at the menu...I suggested mum have soup, she wanted a panini...she'd never had one before but insisted that is what she wanted and of course turned her nose up at it when it arrive....I re ordered her the soup!


:hug: :hug: :hug: Trish

Is it possible that there was something in the soup she ate in the pub? Or dread to say it really possible was bitten by something in the pub in the toilet (sure it was a clean place or you wouldn' have been there).

Also would ask the doc to dipstick her urine just in case she has a UTI which could be causing her increase in dementia/confusion. Hope it all works out well :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 29th, 2013, 2:40 pm

Ro, she had the rash before the pub.

Uschi, she has got cream oodles of it and antihistines. I'm going to have to wait and see what her doc say's once she has actually seen her. I will mention shingles and see what she say's.

Last night I wrote on her pad in black felt ( thick ) BEFORE BED, UNDRESS AND PUT CREAM ON.

I will make up some signs here at work on the puter and print them off so I can put them all over her flat...good idea Uschi :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 29th, 2013, 2:45 pm

This is what I have typed on A4 in black bold caps....and I',m laminating it ;)

The doctor know's you have a rash, you have to keep using the cream and take 1 pill 3 times a day and it will get better. The nurse will come every morning & afternoon to help you. xxxxxxx Trish
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » January 29th, 2013, 3:17 pm

tinyTrishkins wrote:This is what I have typed on A4 in black bold caps....and I',m laminating it ;)

The doctor know's you have a rash, you have to keep using the cream and take 1 pill 3 times a day and it will get better. The nurse will come every morning & afternoon to help you. xxxxxxx Trish


Are the instructions a bit complicated? How about

The doctor has seen your rash.
Keep using the cream.
The nurse visits every morning and evening to help with the cream.
Take 1 pill 3 times a day. (Specify when/which pill?)



How stressful for you and I know it is easy to criticise :lol: whatever will be easy for her to understand
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Chinchilla_lady » January 29th, 2013, 5:09 pm

Oh dear Trish, the week before we were told that mum could no longer stay in her flat she too was wandering the corridor in her nighty :(

You need to rule out shingles, uti and any other infection asap.

We used to leave notes for mum but tbh she read them and the minute she looked away had no idea what they were telling her. :(
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby mogatogs » January 29th, 2013, 6:15 pm

Trish - really sorry you are going thro' this, but, tbh admission to hospital will possibly do more harm than good, did your Mum rule out daycare? sorry I can't remember that may be a short term option or a 'hotel' stay in a residential care setting, we have a couple of rest homes who offer a 48-72 hr stay for instances like this, long enough for treatment to start working and short enough not to upset the persons routine and they are very homely.

Take care :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » January 30th, 2013, 6:57 am

The Lovely Home does short stays in cases like this - it ensures the person is getting the care and medication they need, particularly if an infection has resulted in them being even more confused than usual - the only thing is, sometimes the person can't wait to come back and become a permanent resident ;)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 30th, 2013, 8:47 am

Morning wild carers ;)

Thanks for all the advice, I am hopeing that between the Doc and the district nurses they will come up with a solution.

I popped in yesterday at my normal time and mum was in bed with the light on...she said she was freezing...of course she had turned off the storage heater in her bedroom :roll:

I checked her back and it looked a lot better, I put cream on her back and she did her front ( I can't do the front, she won't let me ) her arms are still very nasty but I think we may have a little progress.

I have had another thought. Mum had the chiropodist round to see to her overgrown toe nails and she had to have one dressed...I am wondering if this could cause the rash, perhaps whatever she used on her toes that has got into the blood stream? anyway I shall mention this to the district nurse and ask her to check her toes.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » January 30th, 2013, 9:26 am

Does she shower/bath herself? I was wondering if your Mum is using something she shouldn't in the bath/shower?

Ma appeared with a bright red face the other day - turns out she'd mistaken something in her bathroom for moisturiser and rubbed it well in - Carers think it could have been air freshener :shock: - they've gone through her bathroom and confiscated anything that might not be good if rubbed into the skin - She's a bit annoyed - they can't take her things can they? I explained about them having a Duty of Care etc - she's still not sure .... but has forgotten about it for the moment. :D
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Fiona » January 30th, 2013, 9:36 am

oh dear Suffs, your poor mum. Reminded me of an elderly lady I knew who was having trouble with her eyes, after a long investigation it turned out she was washing her hair with Vim!!

Fiona :)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 30th, 2013, 9:40 am

Hi Suffs :D

No she uses the same brand shower gel that she has always used, well at least for the past 4 years.

Trying to phone the district nurse but they are on answer phone...will phone mum they could be there now.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » January 30th, 2013, 9:40 am

Oh dear Fiona :) - Ma's problem probably wasn't helped by the fact that she did this just before a hair appointment, so she sat under a hot drier for a while, having whatever it was baked into her face :roll:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Fiona » January 30th, 2013, 10:28 am

All these things you would never consider in a million years when thinking about if they are safe!

Hope your mum is better Trish, it must be horrible discovering a rash, and even worse if she forgets and discovers it over and over.

Fiona :)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby frenchcheesequeen » January 30th, 2013, 10:34 am

Trish, since the skin is an organ is the rash a symptom of something else? Liver problems maybe? Perhaps the medical centre should be encouraged to do a blood test. I have problem skin which flares up under stress and the best way I know of dealing with it is to use Aveeno moisture cream, this is oat based, has shea butter and is lanolin free. Available at Boots for about a fiver a tube, I buy it when on three for two offers because I get through a tube in about ten days.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 30th, 2013, 11:28 am

Well Carol, all these questions I would hope the district nurses and the doc are addressing...dam poor show if they are not looking into all the possible causes.

I missed the nurse this morning when I rang mum, she had been and gone. Mum was having a lie down but she was dressed which is a good sign.

Hopefully I can make contact before this afternoon visit and get them to check her toes.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby StokeySue » January 30th, 2013, 12:30 pm

The morphology (shape and structure and location) of rashes gives you a lot of clues about what's causing them, and as both the DN and the doctor have had a good butcher's at it they seem to be fairly confident that their diagnosis is OK - though admittedly it is something very easy to get wrong, especially in the very young and the very old

I'd guesss some kind of winter virus is the likely culprit, but hat is based purely on betting odds, not on anything specific.

If the chiropody treatment was responsible, wouldn't you expcet a flare up of the to first?


Whatever the cause antihistamines can sometimes make the rash feel better,
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 30th, 2013, 2:03 pm

Hi Sue, I haven't seen the toe :oops: It had been dressed when I saw it. She had her feet done on the Tuesday, I first noticed the rash on the Sat morning, however it could have been there before I noticed it.

She is taking antihistamines, I will guage how she looks tonight when I go down. Still haven't been able to contact the D/N but have left a message on their answer phone. No news from the Doc, she was supposed to go and visit mum to see for herself :twisted:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby StokeySue » January 30th, 2013, 2:29 pm

tinyTrishkins wrote:Hi Sue, I haven't seen the toe It had been dressed when I saw it. She had her feet done on the Tuesday, I first noticed the rash on the Sat morning, however it could have been there before I noticed it.


If it isn't giving her any obvious trouble, I'd think it is not the ultimate problem - again that's betting odds, rather than gospel truth
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » January 30th, 2013, 2:39 pm

I'm not one for self-diagnosis, but given that your mum's GP appears to be remarkably slow, does it look like any of these? http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/skin-rash/SN00016
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 31st, 2013, 9:38 am

Morning wild carers ;)

No suffs nothing like those...I went down last night and her back is clear :shock: :D just the arms front and legs that have the rash now but of course still disstressing. I took the dressings off her toes, they look fine.

My laminated note re the doc knows you have a rash has dissapeared, I have no idea where it is, it's not in the bin I checked. I got phoned 3 times between 4.30 and 5pm whilst in the car going to mums. Then again at 10pm just to let me know she has a rash ;)

I managed to get to have a long chat with D/N yesterday and she thinks, apparently as does the doc the it's more likely that mum has had a reaction to something she has eaten....I mentioned the Haggis to her and she said that could be it, as normally the elderly don't go in for spicy food so if she has not eaten anything like that in say 10yrs it could cause a reaction.....don't think we will ever know, Mum has vowed never to eat Haggis again ;)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby uschi » January 31st, 2013, 10:25 am

Your poor Mum, Trish. Have you thought of taking a picture of the rash? It might make it easier if something like it turns up again later.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 31st, 2013, 11:57 am

Oooooo Poooo!

Just typed a long post and then when I went to submit I got server error :twisted:

Long story short! :D Good idea Uschi :D

Mum is getting an assesment tomorrow as the Head D/N is realising that mum has problems with the dementia....the D/N told me that according to mum, she is still working in the police force and she has only been living where she is for the past couple of weeks, she has only just moved in. ;)

Perhaps some good will come out of all this and she may get a little more help :hug:

Just copied this incase it goes server error again :tu:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby uschi » January 31st, 2013, 12:08 pm

Fingers crossed something will come of it!!!
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby StokeySue » January 31st, 2013, 12:28 pm

tinyTrishkins wrote:according to mum, she is still working in the police force and she has only been living where she is for the past couple of weeks, she has only just moved in.


That has a strangely familiar ring to it - mum had some very similar lapses when her memory really started to go

She still thinks she should be in Kidderminster (left in January 1946, hasn't lived there since)
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