Looking after our parents (part 2)

Order yourself a latte, and a pastry (The virtual cinnamon buns are excellent today). And have a nice chat.

Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » July 26th, 2016, 1:22 pm

Thanks for all the birthday wishes, I shall pass them on this avo when I visit.

Would you believe I couldn't get a 95th birthday card, nor balloon...I said to the shop keeper ( a big shop on Princes St ) why don't you cater for 95? people are living older now adays, they had 100's :rolleyes: She sold me a gold 9 and 5 sticker which I put on her card and bought her a rather large white fluffy teddy...she will get more joy and laughter from that than a pair of trousers ;) OH is coming with me after work and he is getting her a bouquet of flowers :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Pepper Pig » July 26th, 2016, 1:41 pm

I use Moonpig.com or Funkypigeon.com for cards. You can design your own Trish. Much easier.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » July 26th, 2016, 1:43 pm

Hi PP

Yes I have used them before, however I have been very :spank: as I only went out today for a card and it's her birthday today...should have done it last week :rolleyes:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby earthmaiden » July 27th, 2016, 7:32 am

Lovely pic of your mum Trish, I hope she had a lovely birthday and liked the teddy!
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » July 27th, 2016, 7:37 am

007.jpg
002.jpg


Mum had a wonderful birthday, she got chocolates, flowers, a teddy, an orchid. Loads of cards and the home made a lovely cake and they all sang happy birthday to her. She was in her element!

I now have the job of being the photographer, her two partners in crime, Wendy ( in photo ) and Christine (not) both want copies of the photo's for their rooms. :D
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Seatallan » July 27th, 2016, 8:41 am

Awwwwww..... :luv: :luv: :luv:

So glad she enjoyed her day Trish :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Ratatouille » July 27th, 2016, 9:31 am

What lovely pictures. She obviously had a ball :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Annie » July 31st, 2016, 10:46 am

Remember our agreement to set up our own Wildies retirement home?
http://metro.co.uk/2016/07/25/these-oap ... s-6026948/
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » August 2nd, 2016, 1:01 pm

Hi Annie

Mum would love it there :lol: Patsy, you could do your Zumba! Suffs could teach the carers to knit like my mum did ;) D Dick could be out in the grounds hunting....right happy family ;)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby PatsyMFagan » August 2nd, 2016, 4:09 pm

tinyTrishkins wrote:Mum would love it there Patsy, you could do your Zumba! Suffs could teach the carers to knit like my mum did D Dick could be out in the grounds hunting....right happy family


Oh yes :tu:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Seatallan » August 2nd, 2016, 5:58 pm

I remember that! :D

U shall be responsible for organising regular hill-walking holidays for any interested residents. ;)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » August 2nd, 2016, 5:59 pm

Think the home should be in East Anglia then ... only little hills ;)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Seatallan » August 2nd, 2016, 6:08 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » August 2nd, 2016, 6:43 pm

Although we do have Gas Hill, with a gradient of 20%
http://www.edp24.co.uk/business/tourism ... _1_4130612

When we were 'courting' OH lived at the top of it!!! Fortunately as we were impoverished students with no transport, he usually came to my place :D
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » January 12th, 2017, 1:56 pm

I see this thread has been a bit inactive for a while. I wonder if anyone could offer me any advice though. My mother was admitted into hospital on Sunday with what they say is gastroenteritis. They have let her out even though she still has the nether regions related symptoms (to put it euphemistically and in a way that doesn't challenge my spelling abilities...) I don't think they should have. She is very weak, is struggling to do, well anything. She can't pull herself to sit up in bed even although she has managed to go to the loo. I have been here since Monday and have to go back to work but I don't think she can look after herself. The hospital said to ring the GP if she needs help having said they couldn't offer her any. Spoke to GP and he said the hospital said she didn't need any aftercare because I am here (I said I would be for a couple of days.) If she needs help she has to be readmitted first. Clearly I misunderstood things/they misunderstood things/ I need to know the system...

I have to go back to work/home/sanity at some point soon. I have been here all week. I don't think work will let me take another unpaid week off. She lives in Sheffield. I live in London.

The GP is coming tomorrow. I have made initial contact with a private agency. (Fearing the costs, but I suppose this will be short term...??!! Longer term I suppose she can mortgage the house. Now that will piss off my sister...)

I would appreciate any advice and apologize for dumping this here, but am a bit desperate. No family that can help out.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » January 12th, 2017, 2:07 pm

Oh dear :hug: maybe phone social services and ask for an emergency Community Care Assessment?
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby StokeySue » January 12th, 2017, 2:27 pm

Definitely contact local social services, if nothing else you get to talk through with someone sympathetic / understanding in my experience
When the GP comes make I clear that your presence is temporary; also if you don't have it in place make sure you set up a disclosure agreement in place with the practice, so they can discuss her on the phone with you when you are back in London (in my experience the doctors them selves will chat away - but th receptionists will try to prevent this if the letter isn't there, your mum has to sign it)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » January 12th, 2017, 2:38 pm

Thank you, both. That's very helpful.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby tinyTrishkins » January 12th, 2017, 2:51 pm

Afternoon Herbi

I would concur with my learned friends above :D I would also try and get the GP to send her back to hospital until she is better. My Dad was sent home at the age of 86 for my mum to look after, she was also then 86 and it was a nightmare for mum having to clean up after his mishaps and she already had dementia. He did have C-Diff which is different but still the same mess.

Don't really know what the English law is on this. But dad didn't go back to hospital he was taken into a hospice and it was arranged with social services.

Yes this thread is very quiet, mainly cause most of our parents are now up there looking down on us since I started this thread. Speaking of which parent, mine, who is still clinging to her perch with a rather firm grip I might add :lol:

I am off to visit after work with a bunch of flowers, she loves them bright and bold, wonder what mischief she has been up to ;)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Meganthemog » January 12th, 2017, 3:01 pm

Hi Herbilicious I have just had to do this for my MIL. Get in touch with Social Services and the Social Management team. Stress that you are not in a position to stay with mum as you have to work - give them the date that you'll be leaving and be emphatic that you really can't stay any longer AND that there is no-one else who can step in. Tell them that you think it will be short term - 6 weeks max - just until mum can manage for herself again. They can put a 6 week emergency package in place in a couple of days whereas if they think it's going to be long term it's a different source.
Make sure they know they have to assess her a.s.a.p.
I had to do this just after Christmas as my MIL had been unwell (more of that later) and we had to go back to work. They had it all in place very quickly.

My MIL has been unwell since the first week in December. numerous visits from the doctor to investigate her stomach pains came up up with nothing conclusive. They thought that she might be constipated so gave her mild laxatives. This resulted in an almighty explosion on Boxing Day - my poor SIL was on duty :terrified: :luv:

We've been giving her high fibre foods for the past month but still she's had the pain. Painkillers caused constipation :evil: Catch 22.

On Monday she fell and was admitted to A&E after a 7 hour wait in an ambulance and a 5 hour wait to see the doc. He said that the x ray had just shown that she was a bit constipated but they were concerned about her heart so would run more tests. This morning we had a call to go and see the doc as they had had more results.

She has a mass in her abdomen and her liver and we are awaiting the results of a CT scan taken at 1 pm. We've been told that because of her age - 89 surgery is out of the question and it will be palliative care only. I am sitting here waiting to go back to her at 4. I feel completely at a loss as to what to do next.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Busybee » January 12th, 2017, 4:32 pm

:hug: :hug: Megan, can't really advise but take a pen and paper with you and take notes. It's may be difficult if you are given bad news to take it all in, it's helpful to have something to refer back to.

Love to you all

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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Seatallan » January 12th, 2017, 5:33 pm

Oh flipping eck Mogs, it just never ends for you at the moment does it? So sorry to hear that.... :hug: :hug:

Herby, :hug: :hug: :hug: for you too. Can't add to the advice already given, which is spot on in my experience.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » January 12th, 2017, 6:45 pm

Megan :hug: nothing useful I can add, but am thinking of you and yours
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Chinchilla_lady » January 12th, 2017, 8:29 pm

Megan :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » January 12th, 2017, 9:31 pm

Meganthemog wrote: Stress that you are not in a position to stay with mum as you have to work - give them the date that you'll be leaving and be emphatic that you really can't stay any longer AND that there is no-one else who can step in.


You really will have to be firm about this, any sign of 'Well I might manage another day' and you will be there for months. It must be, eg, 'No, my employers have already given me X UNPAID days, I have to go back or will lose my job'.

Oh dear Megan. You have had a time of it.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » January 12th, 2017, 10:05 pm

meganthemog :hug: from me too. I hope they find out what the problem is soon.

Thanks all for the advice again. OH is actually coming up tonight, so he will be here when the doctor comes tomorrow, which is a relief.

I did ring social services and they say the fastest they can get anyone in is 3 weeks, could be 6, even though I said this is an temporary emergency thing. They suggested the doctor can sort out something. He implied not, when I spoke to him. There will literally be tears if she has to go back in. I think I screwed up majorly by being around when she was discharged. It really shouldn't be that way...
A private company say they can't even think about doing anything until Monday when their manager is back in - they were kindly though. Will try ringing another one when the doctor's been.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » January 12th, 2017, 10:23 pm

Herbidacious wrote:I did ring social services and they say the fastest they can get anyone in is 3 weeks, could be 6,


Did you use the right buzz words? Check with Suffs and any others with experience of Social Services. Basically if someone else can be fobbed off to do the care that is what will happen. You will have to be tough and be Bitch Woman. Good luck.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby earthmaiden » January 12th, 2017, 10:23 pm

Nothing to add but :hug: :hug: Megan and herbidacious.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Zosherooney » January 12th, 2017, 10:49 pm

Reading this, I am really just starting to realise how circumstances for my father in Poland, although difficult at this distance, were the best we - as a family - could have wished for. Thoughts for all of you that are struggling with services and relevant issues at this present time. :hug: and :luv:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby StokeySue » January 13th, 2017, 12:27 am

Meganthemog wrote:My MIL has been unwell since the first week in December. numerous visits from the doctor to investigate her stomach pains came up up with nothing conclusive. They thought that she might be constipated so gave her mild laxatives. This resulted in an almighty explosion on Boxing Day - my poor SIL was on duty :terrified: :luv:

We've been giving her high fibre foods for the past month but still she's had the pain. Painkillers caused constipation :evil: Catch 22.

On Monday she fell and was admitted to A&E after a 7 hour wait in an ambulance and a 5 hour wait to see the doc. He said that the x ray had just shown that she was a bit constipated but they were concerned about her heart so would run more tests. This morning we had a call to go and see the doc as they had had more results.

She has a mass in her abdomen and her liver and we are awaiting the results of a CT scan taken at 1 pm. We've been told that because of her age - 89 surgery is out of the question and it will be palliative care only. I am sitting here waiting to go back to her at 4. I feel completely at a loss as to what to do next.

No wonder you feel at a loss, there's nothing you can do except wait for information and advice, and hold her hand, literally or figuratively, whichever works for you both :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Ratatouille » January 13th, 2017, 10:49 am

Thinking of you both. Others are right.... You have to turn into the woman from hellnot matter how reasonable and nice you normally are.

I had to do this for my mother and that was in the days when budget weren't quite so tight. I had to do battle on a daily basis. threaten, demand and insist. Then of course you feel guilty because not eveyone has the ability to be so demanding - even if the demands are reasonable.

In the end I found that if I stated my requests firmly and clearly and then presented it as a fait accompli things got done. i did have a lot of support from Age Concern who were very good at confirming Mum's rights and suggesting alternatives when SS put difficulties in the way.

I don't think my name was at the top of their Christmas card list though and it sure wore me out.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Meganthemog » January 13th, 2017, 11:36 am

Many thanks for all your kind words. It is as I feared - she's got cancer of the colon and it has spread to her liver. The best we can do is keep her happy and pain free. When we got to the hospital they had already told her, which TNH I was a bit cross about as she was very tearful and scared when we saw her. She cuddled up to her two sons and wept. Given that they have had to take her off the Warfarin I think it is more likely that she will have a heart attack or a stroke before the cancer takes her. In some ways a massive stroke or heart attack would be preferable to dying a painful death from cancer. They won't operate and I don't think she'd survive an aggressive round of chemo.
So for the time being she's comfortable, warm and well fed. I will get in touch with the Marie Curie nurses when we know if she's ever going to be sent home. My sister is an ex-district nurse who has offered all the help she can give if we do get her home.
I'm off to see her now and taking her some of her favourite biscuits.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Seatallan » January 13th, 2017, 11:59 am

Oh Mogs.... sorry to hear that (though I suppose it was on the cards) :hug: :hug: :hug:

If it is any help, the mother of a friend of mine was diagnosed with exactly the same (and at the same stage from the sound of it) last summer and whilst she only lived for 6 weeks or so following her diagnosis she was comfortable and pain-free right up to the end (which was very quick and easy in the event). I shall keep all crossed that it is the same for your MIL.

Wish the hospital had waited until one of you was with her to break the news... :rolleyes:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » January 13th, 2017, 12:10 pm

Seatallan wrote:Wish the hospital had waited until one of you was with her to break the news...


A tricky one, sometimes the relatives can take up/demand more attention than the patient. Not suggesting that this is the case here of course.

So sorry Megan, it is tough on you all.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » January 13th, 2017, 12:19 pm

Megan :hug: :hug: :hug: for you all.

If it helps, Ma had a large tumor in her colon - there had been no real symptoms until it caused a bleed which weakened her and she drifted away, sleeping peacefully most of the time and smiling at us when she was awake and holding our hands - she had a syringe driver to administer the morphine regularly which kept her pain free - it was as peaceful an end as anyone could ever have - she just went to sleep. From the big bleed to the end took less than a month if I remember correctly.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby PatsyMFagan » January 13th, 2017, 12:21 pm

Or perhaps she second guessed them ? I think this is what happened with my Mum ... she had gone for the results of a chest X-Ray/CT scan, and I think she knew from their attitude that the news wasn't good. I was called home from work by the Warden in the sheltered home to be with her once she got back home. Her warden was an old friend, but she was also very caring and kept a motherly eye on all her charges ;)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby StokeySue » January 13th, 2017, 12:39 pm

Sorry to hear your news MtM
Liver cancer tends to stop blood from clotting, and it also can make the patient rather spaced out due to the build up of toxins - that's my personal experience, but of course the colon involvement will have an effect

All the best to you and family
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Ratatouille » January 13th, 2017, 1:39 pm

I hope she can be kept as comfortable and peaceful as it is possible to be. :hug: :hug: :hug: to you all
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Busybee » January 13th, 2017, 2:11 pm

Can't add anything but echo the thoughts of others. I do hope that she has an easy passing, don't forget to be kind to yourselves. :hug: :hug:

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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Chinchilla_lady » January 13th, 2017, 2:12 pm

Sad News Megan, :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Meganthemog » January 13th, 2017, 5:37 pm

Just back from visiting her. She's amazingly upbeat - laughing and joking. She seems to be bleeding constantly now - and as the Warfarin has stopped her blood is probably thicker now than it has been for a while. I'm expecting her to have a heart attack - she's been coughing a lot this afternoon so I wonder if pneumonia is on the cards. I hope that the end is quick - she deserves a dignified ending.
She's been my MIL for nearly 40 years - not all of them harmonious :lol: but to be honest the last 10 years or so she's been lovely and I will miss her enormously. We've grown so close that she has made me not only her Attorney for both health and finances but also the executor of her will. My BIL has been bit of a nightmare in the past few years and so to avoid any problems she put me ahead of both my OH and him - she doesn't want them to fall out.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » January 13th, 2017, 9:42 pm

Meganthemog wrote: My BIL has been bit of a nightmare in the past few years and so to avoid any problems she put me ahead of both my OH and him - she doesn't want them to fall out.


Oh dear. Trouble ahead IME. But that isn't important at present, the MIL's last days are. How lovely that she is upbeat, may she have many happy days and an easy death. Is spring just around the corner? I hope so for MiL.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Zosherooney » January 13th, 2017, 10:50 pm

Megan, sorry to hear the worst but could be painless and short...... not at all meaning to sound uncaring. I remember feeding my dad a soup/puree food and hearing the rasping throaty cough and fearing that I had fed soup into his breathing tubes but was assured that it was a previous pneumonia situation and I was doing good just being there and talking to him.... Dad was upbeat, the time that he was with us..... then drifted off into Polish and sometimes recognising us and sometimes not..... Difficult times but glad we made the effort to be there for his latter days. Just hope for you your MIL that it is not too long and painful for all concerned. :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » January 14th, 2017, 7:36 pm

Really sorry to hear that Megan :hug: from me too.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » January 16th, 2017, 3:46 pm

My mother had a fall this morning. Not hurt but the carers and GP decided that she needs to be readmitted to the frailty ward in hospital. I am sure for the best. It was heartbreaking leaving her yesterday, and I was very worried that she wouldn't cope even with carers going in four times a day. And indeed she couldn't.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » January 16th, 2017, 4:01 pm

Oh dear. It is always difficult I think even though we know it is for the best. Remain firm, you cannot take any time from work no matter how much you are emotionally blackmailed.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby StokeySue » January 16th, 2017, 4:04 pm

Sorry to hear that Herbi, but she wasn't injured this time, so that's good :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Meganthemog » January 16th, 2017, 4:10 pm

MIL now has a chesty cough :( they've xrayed but no infection or fluid there. Ward sister says that pneumonia is very likely on the cards but that they are working hard to avoid it. She's getting weaker every day. DD sent a video of her, OH and little Archie who was blowing kisses to her - she watched it over and over yesterday and was blowing kisses back to him. DD will do another video for us to take in later. My niece is flying in from Slovakia tonight - she's studying out there and DD is coming on Thursday. I've spent the morning sorting out her finances, paying bills and cancelling papers and cleaner for the time being. Her paper 'boy' who is 70 if he's a day was really upset - he enjoyed a natter with her when he collected his money.
I know it is impossible to know but it would be so much easier if we knew how long we had her for - we could be sure that everyone who should see her could come in time. Although she's said she only want close family and her two best friends to visit.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » January 16th, 2017, 5:25 pm

Thanks Sue.

Megan :hug: the uncertainty (re time left) must be very hard...
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Seatallan » January 16th, 2017, 5:38 pm

Herbie, sorry your mum has had a fall but glad to hear she's back in hospital. At least hopefully something properly suitable can be sorted out before she is discharged again. :hug: :hug:

Mogs, I should err on the side of caution in terms of how long she has left. That way at least you'll know she's seen everyone she wants to see whilst she's still capable of it. I will hope the tide goes out easily and am sending many :hug: :hug: :hug: your way.
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