Looking after our parents (part 2)

Order yourself a latte, and a pastry (The virtual cinnamon buns are excellent today). And have a nice chat.

Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » August 5th, 2017, 11:31 am

8-) :hug: 8-) :hug: 8-)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » August 6th, 2017, 7:48 am

I have to say it is almost jaw-droppingly beautiful here. I am in photography heaven and I suspect food nirvana.
She called me from the hospital. Was very surprised when I said I was in Italy :? She knew I was coming here while waiting for the ambulance to take her to hospital on Thursday. Ah well. I am much more relaxed. Will just keep ringing periodically.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » August 6th, 2017, 8:09 am

Enjoy Herbi :hug:
She's safe and being cared for. :tu:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby PatsyMFagan » August 6th, 2017, 8:09 am

Sounds just like what you need Herbi .... and you definitely needed it ;) :bounce: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Seatallan » August 6th, 2017, 10:51 am

Absolutely. Have a fab time Herbi and don't worry about a thing. :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby earthmaiden » August 6th, 2017, 11:24 am

8-) 8-)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » August 6th, 2017, 9:25 pm

Thank you!
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby uschi » August 7th, 2017, 7:39 am

I am glad you have found such a beautiful spot, Herbidacious!!! Enjoy!!! :tu: :tu: :tu:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Ratatouille » August 7th, 2017, 8:51 am

Enjoy your beautiful place in peace Herbi :hug:
Je pense, donc je suis. - Decartes
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » August 10th, 2017, 5:55 pm

Thanks. One day left then back to it all :(
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby StokeySue » August 10th, 2017, 6:12 pm

Have a lovely day Herbi!
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Luca » August 10th, 2017, 7:16 pm

Hope it's a great day and enjoy it without thinking too hard, if possible, of the return.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby icelesley » August 11th, 2017, 7:12 am

Herbi have a brilliant day, I am glad you are enjoying your hol, come back relaxed and ready to take on whatever is thrown at you. Worry about it when it happens not before. :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Ratatouille » August 11th, 2017, 9:03 am

Thinking about you and hope today is extra special :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » August 11th, 2017, 9:19 am

Wot they said :tu: :tu: :tu: 8-) 8-) 8-) :hug: :hug: :hug:

Sufficient unto the day is the stress thereof ........ or something like that ;)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » August 11th, 2017, 11:44 am

Thanks. A bit cloudy and temperature is down to 29 today which is quite nice. Just hanging out today. Sitting in the garden reading. Supermarket later for things to bring home maybe. I hope a nice dinner out. Trying not to think about logistics of going up north. I can't really go until next weekend as we have painters whom I can't really trust to lock up while i go away. (We halted the unfinished job to come away.) not because they are untrustworthy, but just because, really (cats feature in this possibly irrational train of thoughts.) I am battening down the hatches and doing the least stressful thing on all fronts where possible in the next few weeks.

Husband goes to Germany on Monday and not back for a few weeks.

A friend is lodging for two months (a favour... not charging!) from September 12th. Wedding that day and the following weekend. My 50th in between. And then there are work deadlines.

Ah and she's off... with the worrying. At least we put MIL off coming to stay on the twelfth. Although she is a bit disgruntled about it.

Right. A last lazy lunch now I think.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » August 11th, 2017, 11:55 am

Herbidacious wrote:Ah and she's off... with the worrying.


Nope ... false start ... return to the blocks ................ and breathe :cocktail: :cocktail: :cocktail: ;)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » August 11th, 2017, 12:07 pm

Ha was just coming back to delete all that!

Yep. And breathe! :)

Everything can feel better after food.
Last edited by Herbidacious on August 11th, 2017, 12:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » August 11th, 2017, 12:10 pm

:hug: :hug: :hug: 8-)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby uschi » August 11th, 2017, 3:59 pm

I hope you'll find lots of goodies in the supermarket, Herbie, so you can "revisit" your holidays later. ;)

Find something nice for the disgruntled MiL. She may soften when you tell her what a great gift she gave you by not adding to everything in these stressful times. :hug:
Where is OH going? Düsseldorf again or Frankfurt?
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » August 11th, 2017, 5:36 pm

She mocks me for over using the word 'stress'. I don't think she believes in it. (She doesn't like me much!)

I got a few nice things, but not too much. Couldn't resist the Loacker white chocolate biscuits. They may not make it in this heat, it it's worth a try :) I can see I will be visiting the Italian Mercato place in Elephant and Castle very soon though! I am not attempting to take cheese back!

He is going to Karlsruhe, Uschi, which is the 'Frankfurt' job. (He originally told me 'Frankfurt'!!) He completed a two week intensive Ger,an course before he went! (And intends to continue learning.) so v serious about it!
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » August 11th, 2017, 5:57 pm

Herbidacious wrote:She mocks me for over using the word 'stress'. I don't think she believes in it.


She might believe more in 'anxiety' or 'worry' ............... they're words that the older generations used more than stress .

:hug:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » August 12th, 2017, 6:29 pm

Quite possibly. Of course, she has no idea how very much she stresses me (albeit neither worry nor anxiety ;) ) it's complicated...

Mother still in hospital. Will try to persuade them to put her on the phone to me tomorrow.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Zosherooney » August 13th, 2017, 6:32 am

Enjoy the closing days of your trip Herb...

I was looking for a tel. no. on my mobile the other day and came across Dads number, it twanged a heart string... :(
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » August 13th, 2017, 6:55 pm

I have some emails from my father on my work computer. He never really 'did' email, or indeed the internet, and only ever had dial up, and he never really wrote to me by hand, as his hands shook too much (cerebral palsy) so I hang onto them.

They don't say anything of consequence or interest really :)
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » August 17th, 2017, 4:28 pm

My mother was sent home today (I jinxed it by setting up a new mobile phone account for her!) I was planning to travel up tomorrow anyway and come home on Saturday, but was hoping I would be visiting her somewhere (else). V selfish of me, but I have to admit that I hate staying in the house with her for various reasons (e.g. being woken up at the crack of dawn by her carers/her whimpers of pain, the elevated toilet seat, the toilet duties I have to perform. etc. etc.!), although of course I will be very happy to see her.
Her main concern yesterday, when we got to speak, was that she wouldn't have any clean knickers and could I send her some?! Good old Amazon, hey. Ordered yesterday, they got there before she did!
She went home to one broken and fridge and both her fridges(!) full of rotten food. I think someone is 'helping' her with that though.
Not sure how mobile she is. I know she didn't really want to go straight home as she says she has lost her confidence. I am hoping this weekend will be merely mildly unpleasant as opposed to crisis-ridden. And indeed that it is not a whole weekend. I have been feeling exhausted since I got back from my holiday.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Zosherooney » August 17th, 2017, 4:32 pm

Herb. :hug: :hug: :hug: They are such a worry aren't they..... I totally understand how you feel. As much as I liked seeing Dad I hated his house and the whole scenario associated with seeing him in Poland...... Not my choice of life/place etc.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby WWordsworth » August 19th, 2017, 2:20 pm

Funny isn't it, I also detest staying with my mother.
I'm quite happy to visit but I'd rather stay in the Travelodge 10 mins walk away.
( Don't often get that option)
The bed in her spare room is only 4ft wide, we have a KS at home.
The house is far too warm for me, I swear you could bake bread in her sitting room.
She's quite hard of hearing. She has finally got herself some hearing aids but will she wear the bl%%dy things..
Therefore the volume of the TV makes my ears bleed.

So I'm really looking forward to Wed and Thu nights next week. :lol:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » November 4th, 2017, 3:13 pm

What a brilliant idea! This would have made such a difference for my Aged Ps when they started having problems

http://www.edp24.co.uk/news/health/norf ... -1-5264708
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » November 4th, 2017, 3:54 pm

WWordsworth wrote:I'm quite happy to visit but I'd rather stay in the Travelodge 10 mins walk away.


I would suggest that you just book it or say that you have before the next visit. Make up some nonsense about 'a special deal' and 'not wanting to impose, I know how much work visitors are'. The latter is true of course.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » November 4th, 2017, 3:59 pm

suffolk wrote:What a brilliant idea! This would have made such a difference for my Aged Ps when they started having problems

http://www.edp24.co.uk/news/health/norf ... -1-5264708


It is a good idea, from your link,

"Currently around 50 patients a day aged 80 or over visit A&E, "

which seems a lot. The elderly react differently to things. As children do, they are not just 'small adults' or 'old adults' they are different.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » November 4th, 2017, 4:18 pm

I remember Ma arriving at A&E by ambulance following a fall at The Lovely Home ... of course I'd been alerted and was there to meet her ... when she was eventually seen and xrayed a lovely and very caring young doctor looked at the plates and said there was nothing broken but she needed two new hips, two new knees and both her her large toe joints could be seen to and then she'd be able to get about like a much younger person and be independent, so he would refer her to an Orthopedic surgeon .... had she understood the implications of what he said she'd have been really alarmed ... however she was 89 and had Alzheimer's and just nodded and smiled because she was of the generation that was polite to doctors and didn't ask questions.

I had to take this new young doctor aside and explain that there was no possibility of her coping with any of that and to be honest there was no point. She'd refused several times to have her hips done in her 60s and 70s and now she was having to live with the consequences of those decisions and she was being very well cared for in The Lovely Home and that's how things would continue ... bless him, in his young Cantab rugby playing life I don't think he had any idea of real life for the really elderly. Light began to dawn ............... :shock:

I like to think that future elderly patients got the benefit of that conversation.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » November 4th, 2017, 4:26 pm

suffolk wrote: in his young Cantab rugby playing life I don't think he had any idea of real life for the really elderly.


A doc on the radio some years ago said that hospital staff were young and fit and had no idea what an old and creaky body was like. How true. My main point though is the different reactions to things, infection, electrolyte imbalance and so much more the elderly go doolally, so can the young but without the automatic assumption of dementia.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby suffolk » November 4th, 2017, 4:36 pm

I agree Miss Mouse ... one A&E doc assumed Pa had dementia ........... nope he had an electrolyte imbalance due to the prescription of two medications which were contra-indicated together :shock: .

It wasn't until I tracked down the junior doctor who had seen him a couple of days ago when he'd been seen at the Eye Clinic ( and had been brave enough to query the specialist's prescribing and been told that it was fine) that I was able to convince A&E that there was something really wrong with Pa. By then it was his 90th birthday and Pa was in a coma .......... he eventually recovered once the toxins had been flushed through with a drip for several days and followed up by a blood transfusion, but although he survived another six years he'd been considerably weakened and never walked again ... he had to go to The Lovely Home for convalescence and remained there until he died at 96.

Confusion in the elderly is sometimes taken as normal ............ it's not normal for all of them :rolleyes:
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby miss mouse » November 4th, 2017, 4:41 pm

suffolk wrote:it's not normal for all of them


Indeed it isn't.
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Re: Looking after our parents (part 2)

Postby Herbidacious » November 4th, 2017, 9:22 pm

Sounds like a good idea. I wonder what the stats are for home many people in hospital are over 75. Last few times my mother has been in pretty much everyone on the ward has been over 80 - but they were not geriatric wards. On the last one, about 50% had obvious dementia. (Only about 8 on a ward though.)

I am off up north to visit mine next weekend. She is still living downstairs en commode... (well not literally.) New stair lift still pending financial assessment. One of her friends died this week. She didn't seem too upset about it though. More sad.
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